HIV Resources

Relationships

On learning of a partner’s positive diagnosis, there is usually a process of re-assessment and taking stock. Some people feel threatened and unsure of the relationship. In some situations, partners may initially have worries over their own state of health and HIV status. When seeking to determine whether a person has been at risk, either within a current relationship or beyond, it is important to become aware of the facts about HIV transmission. It may also be helpful to talk over any concerns about transmission or testing with an experienced worker from one of the support organisations.

In general there is much misinformation around and it is useful to gain accurate and up to date information on HIV, transmission and safer sex. While some people choose not to pursue a relationship with a partner who is living with HIV, many have found that HIV does not prevent the relationship deepening into one which is mutually rewarding, satisfying and supportive.

In the longer term, partners of people living with HIV can have particular concerns. Some common concerns include worry about the person’s health, fears for the future or the pressure of having to keep the diagnosis a secret from others. Support organisations may be useful, either for gaining information or in accessing confidential help and support.

Although you might feel reluctant at first to contact a support organisation to talk about your situation, it may well help to do so. Remember this help and support is provided on a confidential basis. In addition, some support services can provide partners with an opportunity to meet and talk with others in a similar situation, which can help combat feelings of isolation.

Safer sex

One of the ways in which HIV can be transmitted is through having anal or vaginal sex without using a condom. This is because HIV is found in high quantities in semen, as well as in blood. Vaginal secretions carry lower levels of HIV, but there can still be enough virus for transmission. While the virus cannot pass through intact external skin, it can enter through the delicate skin of the vaginal walls as well as the skin on the head of the penis.

‘Safer Sex’ is a term used to describe all sexual activities that do not allow the HIV partner’s blood, semen or fluid from the vagina to get inside the other partner’s body. A condom can act as a barrier between the penis and the other person’s body, stopping exposure to fluids.

Condoms are not totally safe – they reduce the risks of penetrative sex. However, the main reasons why condoms fail is because they are used wrongly. Some couples, in weighing up the risks, choose to give up penetrative sex in favour of other kinds of sexual activities, eg, massage, mutual masturbation, using sex toys such as vibrators without sharing them, body to body rubbing etc. Others choose to keep on having penetrative sex with careful and consistent condom use.

Although condoms will not let HIV pass through them under lab conditions, they can break, leak or slip off during penetrative sex. Research suggests that condoms, as well as femidoms (the ‘female condom’ or vaginal pouch) can fail because they are used wrongly.

Basic guidelines for condom use are:

  • Practice and be prepared
  • Choose a strong brand
  • Use water-based lubricant not oil-based lubricant
  • Look after the condom. Be careful of tearing, using old condoms, leaving space or air in the condom or not using enough lubricant
  • Unroll the condom right to the base of the penis after it is hard, and before penetration
  • When pulling out, hold the condom tight to the base of the penis to avoid leaks
  • Never re-use a condom

Oral sex

Although oral sex is less risky than anal or vaginal sex without a condom, there are some factors which could increase the likelihood of HIV transmission:

  • Taking semen or vaginal fluids, including menstrual fluid, into the mouth
  • Bleeding gums, cuts or sores in the mouth
  • Inflammation caused by throat allergies, infections etc.

For oral sex, some people prefer to use condoms or dental dams (a small square of rubber placed between the vulva or anus and mouth).

What does an HIV diagnosis mean?

What is the difference between HIV and AIDS?

HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) is a virus that can damage the immune system, which is the body’s defence against disease. A person with HIV may feel completely well and have no symptoms. In time, a person with HIV may develop particular illnesses because their immune system is weakened. When this happens, the person is said to have AIDS.

How ill will my family member become?

Many people diagnosed with HIV will live a healthy life for many years before their immune system becomes so damaged that they develop AIDS. With the new combination drug therapies and other medical advances, people with HIV are living longer and healthier lives.

It can be important to take positive steps to improve and prolong a healthy physical and emotional state. It is very difficult to predict if and when a person living with HIV will become ill and have an AIDS diagnosis. If they do, they will need medical and social care, and loving support from family, partners and friends.

How infectious is HIV?

HIV is transmitted in very specific ways. These are:

  • through unprotected penetrative sex
  • through transfers of infected blood
  • from infected mothers to their unborn child during pregnancy and at birth
  • through breast feeding

There is no risk of transmission of HIV to family members living in the same household with someone with HIV. You cannot get HIV through:

  • kissing, touching, hugging, shaking hands
  • sharing crockery or cutlery
  • coughing or sneezing
  • contact with toilet seats
  • insect bites
  • swimming pools
  • eating food prepared by someone with HIV

Do I tell others?

Deciding on who else to tell is an important decision to make and one that should be discussed and agreed with the person living with HIV.

Because of the secrecy and stigma which still surrounds HIV and AIDS and even though attitudes are changing, it can be a difficult decision to make about who to tell, what and when. Having to keep your loved one’s HIV diagnosis a secret can be a burden.

Support organisations may be useful in this respect, both in providing confidential help and support, but also in assisting with decision making on who and who not to tell.

Although you may be reluctant at first to contact a support organisation and talk about your situation, it may well help to do so. In addition, some support services can provide family members with an opportunity to meet and talk with others in a similar situation. However isolated you may feel, you are not alone. Many other people have been through and are going through similar experiences.

What should my response be?

How can I best help and support my loved one?

Your family member will need time to adjust to the diagnosis in the days, months and years to come, as do you. There is no right or wrong way to cope with the news. Some people may want to find out everything they can about HIV, while others may want to push it to the back of their back of their mind. These reactions are natural and normal – the most important thing is to give yourself time to adjust.

As a family member of someone living with HIV, you may want to give support to them. Such support may be in providing a listening ear, talking things over or simply letting the person know you are there for them. If they have a period of illness, it may also involve giving practical help. While providing support can be valuable both for you and your loved one it can make demands on your own well being. While your loved one’s needs may often seem more important than your own, it is vital that you do not forget about your own needs.

As a family member of someone living with HIV, you may want to give support to them. Such support may be in providing a listening ear, talking things over or simply letting the person know you are there for them. If they have a period of illness, it may also involve giving practical help. While providing support can be valuable both for you and your loved one it can make demands on your own well being. While your loved one’s needs may often seem more important than your own, it is vital that you do not forget about your own needs.

As a family member of someone living with HIV, you may want to give support to them. Such support may be in providing a listening ear, talking things over or simply letting the person know you are there for them. If they have a period of illness, it may also involve giving practical help. While providing support can be valuable both for you and your loved one it can make demands on your own well being. While your loved one’s needs may often seem more important than your own, it is vital that you do not forget about your own needs.

Getting tested for HIV

About the Test

The HIV test shows whether someone has HIV, the virus which can lead to AIDS. It is not a test for AIDS. AIDS is the name given to a group of medical conditions which may develop when HIV has damaged a person’s immune system.

The most commonly available test is more properly called an HIV antibody test, because it looks for antibodies to HIV. These are created by the body’s immune system if HIV is present.

  1. When someone is infected with HIV, it can take up to three months before enough antibodies are formed to show up on an HIV test. This period of time is called the ‘window period’.
  2. Because the HIV test looks for antibodies, an HIV test carried out less than three months after you have put yourself at risk may not give an accurate result. This is why it is recommended that you wait for three months before having an HIV test.
  3. Throughout the window period, the person with HIV will have enough virus in their blood and sexual fluids to infect another person, so safer sex practices should be followed.
  4. If the test does not find antibodies, the result is said to be negative. This shows that the person does not have HIV.
  5. If the test finds HIV antibodies, the result is said to be positive. The person is described as HIV positive. This means that he or she has HIV.

Deciding about the Test

There is no good reason for having an HIV test if you have not been at risk. The main ways in which HIV is transmitted are:

  • Through unprotected anal or vaginal sex (ie) penetrative sex without the protection of a condom or femidom.
  • Through blood to blood contact (ie) through the sharing of needles amongst injecting drug users.
  • From mother to baby through the course of pregnancy, birth or breast-feeding.
  • If you would like more information or would like to talk to someone about your situation, phone the AIDS Helpline on 0800 137 437

Going for an HIV Test

In Northern Ireland you can attend any Department of Genito Urinary Medicine.  These clinics are located at:

The Royal Victoria Hospital, Belfast;  The Causeway Hospital, Coleraine;  Altnagelvin Hospital, Londonderry;  Daisy Hill Hospital, Newry

Telephone our Freephone Confidential Helpline on 0800 137 437 for clinic opening times.  Attending a GUM Clinic means you can also be screened for the full range of sexually transmitted infections.  Going to a GUM Clinic does not mean that you have to have a test. It is your decision.

Going to a clinic can be stressful. People often find that it is helpful to bring a friend with them for support. Choose someone you can trust.

  • If you decide to have a test it may be difficult to keep the result from them.
  • The result may show that you have HIV. Would you want this person to know?
  • Think about how your test result may affect your relationship with the person.

When you first go to the GUM Clinic you will be asked by the receptionist to fill out a form. Do not be concerned about this. The information you give will be treated as strictly confidential as all GUM Clinics are bound by a duty to maintain high practical standards of confidentiality.

You will then see a health advisor or Social Worker who will give you information about the test and may talk to you about the window period to check that you understand it. They may also ask you to describe your sexual and drug taking history. They will be able to talk about screening for other STI’s (sexually transmitted infections) and any concerns you may have. Do not be afraid not to have the test after this discussion, or take some more time to make your decision.

The test itself requires a sample of your blood to be taken. The sample then goes to a laboratory to be tested. Samples are sent with initials and clinic number only and no name is recorded. In order to get the test results you must go back to the Clinic in person and will be given the result by the Doctor. The Clinic will inform you when to come back to get your result.

HIV tests are highly accurate. If the test is positive the result is confirmed by re-testing the blood sample. Negative test results are accurate so long as they are not carried out during the window period.

If the test is HIV negative, staff at the Clinic will talk to you about remaining HIV negative in the future.

If the result is HIV positive, support and help will be available for you at the clinic immediately. You will be introduced to a Social Worker and offered support and assistance for emotional and practical concerns. You will be given a further appointment at the Clinic to see the Consultant and if necessary, undergo further tests to check on how the virus is affecting your health.